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My name is Shuwen
Shuwen is my name
I am Shuwen

I love photography, beauty, fortune, and worldly possessions.
I adore fawns, bunnies, starbucks, and eiffel tower.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
Sophistication is part and parcel of life.
Life is like a book of unravelling mysteries.
My life is God's novel, God is the author of my soul.

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What's the difference between fondness, admiration, infatuation, and love? People have their views about what liking and loving someone is all about, but they all sound pretty the same to me thou. Perhaps I don't know the definition behind these words, or it could be that I've never knew what is it like to fall in love with another gender. Love is probably the most blissful thing ever and yet suffocating at the same time. One moment you're in cloud nine and the next moment you're yearning in desperation. Love is just so confusing...

I am pretty fond in someone, someone who completely captured my attention over his heart after God. I'm a little in doubt as I wonder about whether did I make the right decision to courageously confess my feelings back then. But to look at it in the bright side, thanks to that act of mine (with the help of a catalyse) I realised that him and I so coincidentally are having feeling with one another. It's an amazing feeling I should say. After all, it's my first time having to encounter both someone and I falling for one another, and I seriously thought that such things will never happen in my life as I once lost trust in guys. Apart from all these, there is a big question here. Am I in this so-called love everyone have been talking about? I love the fact that the feelings I felt for him now are reminding of how I once encountered my first love - God. I shunned away whenever his image runs through my head but realised that I'm thinking of him even more. I would often fantasized about senarios of him and I and then suddenly felt like I was at the verge of crying when I misses him dearly. I'm always wondering where is he now, what is he doing, what is he thinking right now... So tell me, is this love?

Nevertheless, as much as I liked him and want to be together with him, I am willing to let him go. I trust him that his reasons are pure and sincere when it's regarding God coming into the picture, and yes, I've actually expected it all along. Before I even pondered about the senarios of two happy love birds coming together living happily ever after, I've also made a promise to God in my tiny little corner of my heart that as long as I'm doing it all out of irrationalness and not putting Him first, by all means, stop me. How can I forget how God once made me reflect in many areas of my life, my unhappiness, my guilt, my grudges, my distractions. And with His soft and gentle voice, He whispered: "Do you love me? For me, are you willing to let it all go?" Yes God, I am willing. I still am and I always will...

To this lovely one that had brought in the fondest memories in my life, thank you for liking me, a nobody who don't deserve your attention. Your love for God had truly been an inspiration and blessing to my walk with God. I believe you deserve the best, someone far more better than me, someone who shares the same love you have with the sweet Abba Father. As much as I've witness, I am sure God Himself had also seen the extend of your loyality and sincerity. It might not be God's will for us to be together, but I'm convinced that it's His will for us to know one another. I definately be missing you a lot when we moved on into our individual lives, and may God grant you the courage to not give up what you think is right even if it seems hopeless.

Tomorrow is probably the last time I'm gonna see him for the longest time. I pray we'll be having the best moment ever before he head off our seperate ways.
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