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Greetings earthlings! Welcome to yours truly's blog.
This is absolutely the most awesome place you are bypassing right now. (Nah, I'm just kidding)
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Tuesday, 31 May 2011 @ 07:59

It was an ordinary day where I woke up early in the morning for school, doing the usual routine during lesson time, and finally back home. Just now I was playing the piano wanting to practice this particular song. But from the way I'm playing through the music score, I instantly knew that something is really effecting me. Since I can't deny that I'm feeling a little down and there's obviously a lot of things running in my head, I would rather be honest to myself now and channel whatever I'm thinking and feeling here.

What's really bothering me exactly, if you're wondering? I'm thinking about yesterday. The physical trainings, the stunts practices, my fellow peers, the seniors and the coach. Yes, I am mulling over cheer leading, and I'm still reflecting on my yesterday's performance. "The higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment." This are a few issues I felt that I had fall short of:

Stretching.

Since young I never had flexibility, and I admit that I'm not as fortunate as others having this natural ability. But very often it's not about weather you have something or not. Rather, it's about how much you want something so badly that you're willing to work hard for it. It had been close to a month where I've joined Rexaz, but I don't really see myself progressing in that area. Also, I find myself so ironic. Firstly, I'm aware that flexibility is important to be a cheer leader. Secondly, I know that flexibility is something achievable. I wears a dance T shirt. So, this is the BIG question I ought to ponder on: Do I really want it, and am I willing to work hard for it?

Socializing.

Like every other of my fellow peers who just joined Rexaz this year, not many of us would be able to get use to the new environment and meeting new faces. Honestly speaking, I myself is an introvert when I'm in a totally new environment. Besides, it would be naturally for me to be a one man's island as I didn't had anyone to talk to or click along with when I first joined this IG. As for now, I can at least see that I am opening myself up more and not to be self-centered. For instance, I'm proud of myself that for the first time during yesterday's PT, I demonstrated my encouragement towards two of my team mates not by using words alone, but also by giving moral support through my actions. However, is by doing all these really enough? I know myself well that I'm still too quiet and I've yet to give my best in socializing with the people there, especially with the guys and the seniors. Yes, I may get very quiet and tensed up when I'm learning or observing new stunts and techniques. But is this what learning is all about? Can learning really take place without communication? Since I've understood that cheer leading is not about me alone, but it's about a team, am I willing to break this barrier?

Stunting.

Yesterday, everyone was already worn out during the stunting session after PT. While I was halfway brushing up my transition of shoulder sit to shoulder stand, coach suddenly told us to gather and we were reprimanded. I felt that I was partly at fault for the training having to be interrupted, and I was utterly disappointed with myself upon reflecting on my actions. Despite of having filled with embarrassment and guilt back then, you have no idea how thankful I was that coach pin point my mistakes in front of everyone. If coach were to come and ask me now about which areas I've done wrong, I would answer her these following:

I am not focused throughout the whole training.
I am not apply the basic movement I've learnt in my stunts.
When the senior is teaching/guiding, I am not doing what I was told to do.
I had been arrogant and ignorant.
I am not even trying, especially when doing the transition.
I am being too reliant on the base.
I am depending too much on the seniors.
I have not been performing/putting my best throughout the whole training.

"Pride comes before a fall." I really think that this saying is applying to me right now. It took me the courage to actually list down the points above as I felt that I've just stated shameful reflections of my behaviour. I have been taking for granted of everything and I'm wasting everyone's precious time. Yes, I am a ware of my wrong doings and I want to repent. But that's not enough! I think I owe an apology to the coach, to the seniors, and most importantly, to the base people.

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